You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Randomize
