I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
