Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
