There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
