never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Randomize