I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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