You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
You dont lie about slip and slides
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
