i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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