The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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