Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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