Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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