my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
the raccoons are back...
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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