I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
