So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
