can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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