Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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