bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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