I puked a lego.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
