Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
