he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
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