I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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