he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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