I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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