Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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