My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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