Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize