Kareoke will never be a sober sport
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
