I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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