He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
