I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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