why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
