And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
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i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
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Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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