i permit you to call me
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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