he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Randomize
