she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
