well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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