so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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