Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
