Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
