People with herpes should wear stickers.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
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