You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
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I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
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Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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