very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
the day after is always just damage control
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
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