I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
