there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
