I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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