You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I need a hoe opinion
go on
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