I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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