I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
