Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
