You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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