There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I just gargled with NyQuil
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