I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
