i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
