it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
