i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
