I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
