saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
