I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
