I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
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just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
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Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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