allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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