im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
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