I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
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