I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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