Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Randomize
