Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
