I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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