the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
