I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
People with herpes should wear stickers.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
