Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
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