Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Randomize
