So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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