Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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