I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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