So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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