was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
