If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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