dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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