bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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