I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
and she was petting her beer can
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
