yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
